sometimes I think I'm a man

I'm not really turned on by the bodies of men. They're all hard and hairy, I think of them as utilities rather than beautiful pieces of aesthetic harmony. In bed with men I tend to receive much more than I give - I simply don't like the action of yanking a cock up and down, it seems primitive, and if ever I do it I find myself getting bored regardless of the apparent pleasure of the man, and I just want his hands to be on me. It's not like I just sit back and take, but I've noticed that when I'm purely receiving and writhing and moaning in a state of dripping hysteria, the man is much more turned on than if I'm 'giving' to him, I guess because I enjoy myself a lot more when it's him being responsible for my pleasure and not the other way around. Men feel proud when what they are doing appears to be working, as if they've conquered a tricky piece of machinery, but women feel no such satisfaction, or at least, to a much less extent. Maybe it's part of being a confident person. I feel no obligation to please my partner if it doesn't please me. I am not the kind of girl who will bend over and be whipped if I don't like the idea. I know there are many women who would, just to make their partner happy. Maybe I'm just selfish.

But this is all contrary to the way I feel about women. I have only slept with one woman, and I remember the feeling of her tits in my hands, the graceful way that her slim white arms rose and fell as I stroked them, the almost painful shocks of pleasure when I put my finger in the hot flesh of her pussy, the way she licked mine with a soft patient tongue. When I think about sex, at least half of my fantasies are about girls. When I am fantasising men it is inevitably the fucking that I am craving, it's the slam of his meaty cock all the way inside me, it's being ravished and pounded roughly, furiously, having the moans pumped out of me.

Even my own splendid vagina makes me excited. I love thinking about that place, that slit that is the inside of woman, place of strange smells and intoxicating mystery. I imagine girls squatting, leaning naked against a wall, their legs spread so wide that the little pink beak of their pussy looks like a small creature nesting there, mouth open hungry, waiting to be fed.

In fantasies that involve men it's always him playing with my cunt. I don't think I've ever visualised me playing with a penis, except with my lips and tongue - that is the exception, I love giving head because I love the way the cock feels in my mouth. My hand however is hardly the wet muscle that my tongue is, so stroking or masturbating penises is just boring for me. Clearly I need more vagina and tit in my life. One thing I've never done is rub my pussy hard against another, right in the pink parts, like with legs scissored around one another. I imagine it would feel divine.