platonic

I have a very odd relationship with a man - He adores me, he is in love with me, he has recently come to admit it and now it is almost a running joke in our friendship, and though I am fond of him and feel one hundred percent comfortable in his presence and we understand each other perfectly, I'm just not attracted to him in 'that way' - Because he's always keen to be around me I end up hanging out with him more than anyone - we share similar senses of humour, we like to collaborate in writing projects sometimes, at first there was a bit of kissing and so on but I put a stop to it nearly straight away because he was so full on and serious and there was just no way I was going to be his girlfriend - And we've slept in the same bed although now I insist that he sleeps on the couch - We diss each other endlessly and it's fun until he gets offended, he's a sensitive thing, much older than I am but much less mature, in constant need of attention and validation in a kind of half endearing, half pathetic way, and I love having him around but the idea of taking it any further is nauseating and he knows I feel this way. Now, is hanging out with him leading him on, giving him the wrong idea? Sometimes I think he's so naive that he really believes one day I will crack and things will change and I will fall in love with him or fuck him or let him touch my pussy or something - Actually I think I already let him once but I was drunk and on drugs and it was a mistake.

A few days ago he came out with:

"Tamzin, I hope you get fat. I hope you get really really fat because then nobody else would want you and you'd have to take me."

Hopeless romantic, hapless pathos - Plus he smells bad - Don't tell him that - The problem is, he is male, and he gives me loads of attention, and sometimes I am tempted to see what it would be like to fuck him, and it takes all my rational self and willpower to dismiss the idea - Like last night we were watching DVDs in my bedroom and we were stoned - When I'm stoned I get unbelievably horny, my pussy just starts throbbing and all I can think about is the nearest warm finger rubbing it back and forth, I get all wet just lying there fantasising and fucked if I know what the movie was about, and it was dark you know, and it would have only taken one sideways roll to be pressed up against his big smelly body, and I thought about what it would look like if I just lifted my shirt and pulled out my tits - He knows that I don't want anything sexual between us and in his own stupid head he probably agrees that it's the best way to go about things but really, if it came to the point where I was writhing and panting with my top pulled up and my hand dipping into the front of my pants and my knees collapsing to the sides, do you think he'd say, er, Tammy, what are you doing? You'd best stop that right away...? No - He would stare with big happy eyes and he would crane his face forward for our mouths to meet and he would bend his crotch ever so slightly in my direction when I began to rub his stiff dick - And seriously, when it gets to that point there's really no point in stopping, you've done it already, if it's gonna change the dynamic of your friendship then rubbing each other's genitals is enough to make that happen - So I just lay there and fought off the temptation and tried to think of how not turned on I am by him when I'm straight.

Being stoned is bad.

But my pussy doesn't think so - She gets the munchies.