the next best thing to being there

Sometimes in the absence of real live fucking I have to make to with what's in my head, and my fingers and hands and a mirror - Eyes is constantly in my naughty reveries right now, the memory of him has infected my blood and brain and heart, and in my mind I walk into his room over and over and each time something different happens - I just finished reading Dorothy Porter's The Monkey's Mask and found myself particularly affected when a male character unzipped his fly and said to the female protagonist, "Suck me." I've never had anyone say that to me - I internalised the phrase straight away and imagined it coming from Eyes, standing there in his black jeans with his shirt off, so hungry for my tongue on his cock that he lets it burst through his fly and it stands there alert and ready, waiting, and Eyes wraps one fist around it and burns me with those fierce eyes like he's daring me to say no, and of course I can't and I just buckle at the knees fully clothed and head downwards but not before telling him to

Say that again.

So he looks right at me still holding it in his fist and says

Suck me.

I'm getting thrills just writing this, I can't believe what a turn on it is, I am so close to calling him and telling him this dirty thought of mine, I know he would suck a sharp inhalation then go to bed with his hand in his pants and his wayward dick snaking all around - Last time I called him I asked what he was doing and he said in his charming boyish way

Um, I just got into bed and was falling asleep with my hand on my penis.

God, it isn't fair - I've never wanted to fuck someone this much but he lives interstate and I won't get to see him until probably late February - But when I do that boy is gonna get such a thrashing - I picture myself crawling around the floor of his bedroom in candlelight, naked, with my arse in the air and my pink kissyfish parading all around like a big winking eye, prowling like a panther while he reclines, naked, watching me, hands behind his head, cock banana swollen, doing that sexy frown that he does when he's turned on - I'd like to chain this one up, I've never chained anyone up before, never had the urge, men are so easy to please anyway, but this one is so shivery and ultra-responsive, as if his skin is translucent membrane like newborn kittens' eyelids all soft and uber fragile - He's the kind who likes to say your name while he's fucking you - Tamzin, Tamzin Tammy oarh, Tam, Tammy ? I'm undecided about that but it's definitely thrilling in a way, maybe not a turn on per se, but it satisfies some need for attention I think.

He makes me want to open my legs so wide you could hear the ocean.